Mikaela Caroline Roach

Just a warning.. this is the story behind Mikaela's birth.  You can probably count on me talking about things that involve typical anatomy and physiology of giving birth, along with some pretty graphic pictures.  I love the human body and things like this fascinate me.  I am not ashamed to talk about this experience of participating in a miracle, especially in detail.  That being stated, if these kind of topics make you queasy or uneasy, you have my permission to not read and I will not be offended.  Now, on to the story.

Baby girl's "due date" was June 2nd.  But in reality that could mean anywhere 2 weeks early from that date to 2 weeks later.  Since my water broke with Gabriel 2+ weeks early, I didn't know what to expect would happen this time around.  I was essentially a first timer in this department going through the experience of actually going into labor. 

Before going much further I better spill the beans that by this point we already knew her name.  We had actually decided her name back in February,... maybe even January shortly after we found out that she was going to be a "she".  I was watching Transformers working on the big blog project for my mom.  The character Megan Foxx plays in the first two movies is named: Mikaela.  As I was working on the computer and watching the movie, I saw her introduce herself  and I read the subtitle of her name being "Mikaela".  I immediately fell in love with the name.  I don't recall having ever heard it before (except for the fact that I had seen Transformers a ton of times, but I never remembered her name).  Not only did I like the way it sounded, I like the way it was spelled.  Something a little unique, but not too crazy.  I shared this name with Eric the following day and he too liked the sound of it.  We decided to put it on the list and see what else came along.  Well, no other name made the list.  In fact, after that point, we never talked about other possible names.

A couple of weeks later the subject came back up of what to name her (mind you, her nickname in utero for us was: Nooget).  Eric asked about "Miranda", which I immediately refused... made me think of a short fat black woman (Greys Anatomy... guilty hehehe).  Rather than talk about the first name we started to throw around ideas for her middle name.  We both really wanted to use a family name and keep that tradition going.  Eric asked about using "Shannon" since he liked it and thought it was really nice.  I shot him down with that suggestion.  Personally... I have never liked my name, never cared for it.  When I was younger I would pretend to change my name to Jasmine, Vanessa or Sam.  Guess I am not exotic enough to be a Jasmine, or black enough to be a Vanessa.  I think I could have pulled off a Sam (short for Samantha of course) because to me that screams tomboy... but wasn't in the books.  Anywho, Shannon was a no go for me.  Yet, I have always liked my middle name: Caroline. 

We then put the two of them together to see how they would sound: Mikaela Caroline... Oh yeah, that has a nice ring to it.  Now,... the ultimate test, how would it sound with the last name: Mikaela Caroline Roach.  ...  ... It completely fit and sounded fantastic!  Eric was immediately sold... whereas I was about 90% certain.  I walked away, got in the shower and kept thinking about it over and over again... Mikaela Caroline Roach ... Mikaela Caroline..... Mikaela... It definitely had a very nice ring to it, but was that her name?  Had we really just decided on her name?  Was it supposed to be that easy?  After my shower I went back out to Eric and asked these very questions.  Was it really going to be that easy for us?  Eric then replied with his own question: Do you want to make this harder on yourself? Uh... no... duh!  Well, if I don't want to make it harder on myself then yes, it is and can be that easy.  Not only can it be that easy, it was that easy.  And with the answer to that question we had decided on the name of our daughter:  Mikaela Caroline Roach.

Now, back to her arrival on earth.  Well, once again just like Gabriel, I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for months.  I have my mother to thank for that (she too having had tons and tons of Braxton Hicks for months leading up to the births of all of us kids).  I could tell that in the couple of weeks before she was born that there were times that the braxtons actually felt more like really bad cramps/contractions, but nothing really serious.  And each week I went for my OB appointments I was progressing in dilation from 1cm to 1.5cm to 3cm. 

So, it was May 24th, I was about 38 and 1/2 weeks pregnant, been having Braxton Hicks for months and was dilated to about a 3/3.5cm.  I was kind of on pins and needles because I had never been this far in a pregnancy and was expecting that anything could happen at any moment.  To say I was a bit paranoid is putting it lightly.  On this particular day I had a good friend's mom getting married in the Mesa Temple and was invited to attend the sealing.  I got up and dressed for the day and then headed over to the temple as soon as my MIL Jan arrived to babysit Gabriel.

Since I was a bit paranoid... ok really paranoid, I had downloaded a contraction timer app on my phone to keep track of the contractions a couple of weeks prior.  I hadn't been consistently timing them for the previous 1-2 weeks because they were all over the place so I figured I could wait till they normalized.  This particular morning I noticed that they were coming in pretty regular intervals with every 5th or 6th one being pretty painful... painful enough that I would stop talking and just breathe through the pain.  In doing the timing of them before heading to the temple they averaged out to be about 2-5 minutes apart. ... hmm.... Ok... that is pretty regular... but they were not intense enough every time to make me feel the necessity of not going to the sealing.  That being said, I arrived at the temple and found my friend in the waiting area.

My friend, Mona, is a really close friend from my high school years and we always have a good time no matter what we are doing or what is going on.  Upon arriving at the temple and joining her as we waited for the allotted marriage time of her mom, we began chitchatting about how things were going (she is also pregnant, due Mid-September with their 1st).

Myself and Mona

She commented on the fact of how LARGE and very pregnant I was, speculating that I could pop at any minute... to which I responded "Well... I may or may not be having contractions and I may or may not be timing them on my phone as we speak!".... She couldn't believe it, so I pulled out my phone and showed my record of contractions for the morning.  This through us into a fit of giggles.... not the most appropriate thing to do in the temple but I feel forgiven considering the circumstances.  We joked that if during the ceremony I went into hard labor and felt the need to cry out I could just say something to the effect of "PRAISE THE LORD!!!" ... or "I FEEL THE SPIRIT!!!" I mean, people do actually feel those things I would say in the temple... they probably just don't yell them out in the middle of a sealing ceremony. 

Hyrum and Mary

Thankfully the ceremony went on without a hitch (even though I continued to have contractions that I timed on my phone - which I was hiding in my purse on my lap... I got many a confused/stern stare in my direction... if only they knew).  After the ceremony and pictures on the front steps and in the lawn it was time for me to head home. 

The bride (Mary) commented that she and other temple workers were amazed that I was there for the sealing and that I looked like I could have that baby any minute.  They had no idea how close to the truth they really were. 

Upon arriving at home I finally shared with Eric and Jan the events of the morning, primarily the fact that I had been having lots of contractions and had been timing them.  After discussing our options we decided that we would have lunch, I would get things together for mine/Eric's hospital bug out bag and also things for Gabriel's going away bag (if he indeed had to go with Nana for the night if I were actually in labor and got checked into the hospital).  Eric was actually working on-call this particular weekend and when we were on our way to the hospital he called his co-workers and let them know we were on our way to the hospital, so someone else took over his job so that he could perform his needed husband duties there at the hospital. 

We arrived at the hospital around 3-4PM and got checked in to be monitored to see if I was indeed in labor.  The previous week or 2 at my regular appointments they had monitored that my blood pressure was a bit high, but not high enough to be of concern, and just to make certain they checked my urine, where there was no protein, so I was not pre-eclamptic.  While in the hospital, once again my blood pressure was on the high side, but not officially high, just borderline.  Since it was Memorial Weekend there were not a lot of doctors working so the nurses were checking with the doctor on call.  She (the doctor) decided (from what the nurses were reporting to her) to keep me in the hospital a little longer than the normal 1 hour observation time because of my blood pressure.  The nurses kept coming in and checking on me every 30 minutes or so, took my blood pressure, had me drinking lots of water, took a urine sample, took a blood sample, checked my blood pressure again, and checked my dilation; to which they then reported everything back to the doctor. 

This whole time I was on the phone/texting some of my family members... but not about the fact that I was in the hospital.  I actually didn't tell them anything, because I didn't know if I was going to actually be admitted.  We were talking about plans for our family get together the following week after my brother's graduation from medical school.  We were also checking in regularly with Jan because she was still watching Gabriel for us and she needed to know about whether she could take him home to Mesa or if we were going to be heading home that night. 

After about 4 hours the doctor decided that since my blood pressure was routinely a little bit high, since I did have a little bit of protein in my urine, and since I was far enough along that they were going to go ahead and induce me that night to have the baby.  Before, after I had been at the hospital about an hour and a half (and before the doctor had made this decision) I had been informed by the nurse that I was not in active labor, but that I was in the first stage of early labor, and that if left to my own devices that I would probably go into active labor anytime in the next couple of days.  But once again, a couple of hours later I was informed that I would not get to experience my body's way of going into real labor... that instead I would have my labor be induced with Pitocin.  I would officially be 0 for 2 in knowing what it is like to go into labor for real.  Oh well...

Round 2, here we go

It was somewhere between 7-8PM and they took me back into a L&D (Labor & Delivery) room.  There was a bit of a mix-up when they first took me back.  Something about them not having my lab work showing the protein in the urine, and of course I didn't need to go to the bathroom, so I needed to wait to provide another urine sample, and they didn't have my chart from when I was in triage.  I was not very impressed.  I mean, yeah, I know that you guys just barely changed shifts (at 7PM) but there was only 1 other woman there in the L&D area and you think they would have been more on top of what was going on. Not like every room was filled and there were tons of people requiring attention.  Eric and I were just sitting around not really knowing what was going on for a good hour and half after they took us back in the room. They made it seem like there had been a mistake and that perhaps I didn't actually have protein in my urine and that I might be going home instead.  It was really confusing.

Somewhere around 8:30-8:45PM the doctor came to introduce herself (once again, someone was delivering my baby and I had never met them before... good thing they are a doctor and qualified.... or so they say....).  The doctor seemed nice enough. She did reaffirm that yes I was going to be staying and that yes they were going to induce me that night. 

38 and 1/2 weeks

I expressed some concerns that I had from my previous birth experience with Gabriel.  My primary concern was having to deal with as bad of a tear as I had last time (remember, it was a 4+, pretty much a vaginal C-section... ouch!).  Not only dealing with the tear, but dealing with the pain of feeling the stitches (and I mean literally feeling the stitches).  We talked about how she could use a local anesthetic to numb the area if it came to it, but that she would use some mineral oil at the moment before the crowning to help prevent any tearing.  I just tried to push this whole subject out of my mind as I was prepped to be induced. 

From that point on it only took them till 9:30 to get me my hep-lock, get me hooked up to the Pitocin, and to get me the epidural.  I had one contraction before the Pitocin kicked in and was able to get the epidural, and I can tell you that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that getting the epidural was the right decision for me.  Those suckers hurt!  And I have no tolerance for pain.  So I had no desire whatsoever to have the contraction repeated without at least a little bit of medicine to take the edge off. 

It's funny, but when I do things for the first time vs. going through them a second or third time, I am a lot more confident on the first round than I am doing it with experience.  So for me, getting ready to have my epidural and getting put on the Pitocin with Gabriel was a lot less stressful and scary for me than with Mikaela.  I was literally shaking with nerves when I was sitting there waiting for the needle pinch on my back knowing what was about to come vs. being pretty calm and collected last year.  You think it would be the other way around, but apparently not for me. 

By about 9:30-10PM we were officially on our way to meeting our little girl. 

It was going to be a long night of being checked up on by nurses, switching positions so my legs didn't get too numb, and making certain that the belts across my belly (1 for contractions, and the other to monitor Mikaela's heartbeat) were in proper position.  Thanks to the epidural, I did not have to feel any of the contractions. I won't lie and say that I was completely numb, all that I felt was the pressure on some of the contractions, but not all of them... and even then I didn't feel the pressure of the contractions with full force.  Wonders of modern medicine. 

Even though I was hooked up to lots of wires and pretty much numb from the mid-back down, I was actually able to get a couple of hours of sleep that night/morning.  I think that I actually fell asleep around midnight or so after all the excitement of texting family and loved ones finally quieted down. I slept until about 5AM and then I woke up and started shivering uncontrollably.  I had to call a nurse in to bring me a blanket.  They informed me that it was normal going into the 2nd stage of labor for women to get chills and be shivering.  And that it also could be a slight side effect of the epidural.  And try as I might, no matter how much I wanted to get back to sleep at this point I knew it was pointless.  So I was awake and just kind of waiting for the last part of the labor to do its part.

The last couple of hours seemed to have flown by, yet at the same time they only creeped along very slowly.  Now, with Gabriel's delivery the nurses let me naturally arrive to the point where I was 10cm, 100% effaced and at a +3 station.  But this time around the nurses didn't do that.  Instead, when they changed shifts at about 7AM and I got checked up by nurse, she broke my water even though she wasn't necessarily supposed to.  From the way she put it, if they "accidentally" broke the water doing the exam to see about progress then that was ok.  So the nurse was a bit overly aggressive in the exam thus breaking my water... but it was on the verge of breaking according to her.  I don't really believe that that was the case because when the doctor broke my water doing my exam with Gabriel she barely applied any pressure and it just burst.  This time around the nurse was using some muscle and then it broke.  Thinking back on it I don't agree... I don't agree with the whole birth process of how they went about it.  If we are to have any more kids I will be more adamant about my opinions and how I want to go about the birthing process.  I better continue with the story and then you can understand why I am stating my opinion as such.

After they broke my water, the nurses came in and did an exam.  They informed me that Mikaela was probably only at about a 0 station and had not yet come down into the birth canal.  This being the case, they wanted for me to push her down into position.  This was somewhere between 8:15-8:30ish or so.  Now, I was a bit confused because Gabriel came down on his own to a plus +3, yet I didn't object with these nurses.  I guess I just figured that they were the nurses and they knew what they were doing.  So, they got those lovely stirrups into position and they instructed me to start pushing.

I am a very independent person and I really don't like people telling me what to do.  Well, that is exactly what these nurses were doing.  They were telling me how to push.  And having them sit there counting and saying "words of encouragement" was not helpful at all.  If anything they just confused me even more and made the job 10xs harder.  I really just wanted to tell them to shut up and leave me be.  I know that they are nurses and that they help women give birth all the time, but the one nurse had had 3 C-sections to have her kids and the other nurse had never given birth.  So neither one of them knew exactly how to instruct me on how to push.  I honestly believe looking back now in the calm of my home, that they had started me pushing way too soon.  They should have just naturally let Mikaela come down into position and then it wouldn't have been so hard.  But no, they had me pushing for a good 30-45 minutes.  I think they might have had an agenda or a schedule they wanted to stick with for causing me to start pushing so soon.

By the time it came for Mikaela to actually be in position and the doctor was there and I was only "a couple of pushes away" I was sooo done with the pushing.  I know that some women have to push for hours and I would hate to wish that on anyone.  It is so exhausting and mentally draining, not to mention killer on anyone's patience.... especially mine (what little patience I actually do have) with some overly enthusiastic nurses being my "cheering squad"...yeah... I don't have any nice words of what names I would like to call them... better not in writing. 

Well, I was finally in the homestretch of the birthing process.  Now, I had an epidural, and they had replaced it with a 2nd one at about 5 or so in the morning.  In my mind, the whole point of getting an epidural was so that I would not have to feel ANYTHING about giving birth.  It had done an awesome job during the contractions, I didn't hardly feel anything (except for a little bit of pressure every once in a while).  But as I started the pushing phase, I started being able to feel everything.  Not only the pressure of the contractions, but the pain of pushing Mikaela into place and the stretching of everything.  There is nothing "beautiful" or "amazing" about being in that much pain!  I wanted to be numb, I didn't want to have to feel it, again (I felt everything with Gabriel's birth).  That is the whole point of  having numbing medicine.  I can tell you this much, there was nothing numb when I actually delivered Mikaela.  I felt it all!  And I mean IT ALL!!  How have women been doing this through the ages without modern medicine?  I feel very blessed to live in this day and age and to have medicine.  But that doesn't help me to feel any better knowing that it didn't work!  I did not want to be in pain, yet pain is about the only thing I felt.  People don't lie when they call it the "Ring of Fire" right a the baby starts to crown.  On my 2nd to last push I literally felt that I couldn't do it.  I wanted to give up, even though I knew that that wasn't an option.  Mikaela couldn't stay in the birth canal and I couldn't be pregnant forever.  I just didn't see any other way of making it all go away.  It was like a never ending nightmare. 

Thankfully though it was not never ending, and with that final push it did end.  Mikaela was born and I had done my part.  She came into this world at exactly 9:06AM weighing 8lbs 5oz and measuring 21 inches.

 Once again after the birth came all the non-fun post birth things that have to be done (stitches for the tear - which I again felt all of them!  Not an experience I want to repeat ever!!, delivering the placenta, uterine massage, etc).

After the doctor finished patching me up I was not in a very good place at all.  For some reason the pain was just so unbearable to me.  I was having a rough time enjoying our daughter in her first minutes of life.  Not even Percocet was taking the edge off.  I was having trouble even breathing, let alone doing anything else.  Thankfully the doctor gave me a 1x dose of a really heavy duty pain killer (7xs more powerful than morphine) and only then was I finally able to relax and take joy in the moment... along with feeling pretty doped up.

Eric's parents came in the early afternoon bringing Gabriel so that he could meet his little sister for the first time. 

 I was in the hospital for a couple of days so that they could monitor my blood pressure making certain that it was going down to a more reasonable number.  Through the course of these days we had a fair number of visitors which was very pleasant.

Eric's parents: Nana and Papa

My parents: Merma and Papi

My 4th brother Tyler and his wife AmiCheri

My 2nd brother Jason and his girlfriend Lynn

2 of Eric's sisters: Connie and Audrey

My 3rd brother Nate and his daughter Tatiana

But going back to the birth and moments thereafter, when the placenta was delivered we actually saw something really cool, and potentially could have been dangerous.  Sometime during her time in utero Mikaela had tied the umbilical cord into a knot.  Crazy to think that it could have potentially been fatal. 

This just goes to show me that she was meant to be and was meant to come to our family when she did. 

The Lord allowed for her to grow to full term in pregnancy and she was born healthy and perfect.   I do have to admit, creating life and giving birth really is a miracle. 

I don't mean for my words to scare anyone out there.  Just for me the experience was not so wonderful and I tend to be pretty blunt.  I imagine that for lots of women out there giving birth to their children was not the most glorious or memorable moment of their lives.  And it is one that I definitely hope to forget... sooner than later even.

Yet I will say this much, even with all the pain, discomfort and bad memories, I am grateful for this chance I have to get to know my daughter. 

She has already been a delight to have in our family. Life is a miracle and hers is a special one.  Her birth may not be a highlight moment in my life, but her being in our family will always be a treasure. 


We love her already and know that our love for her will only continue to grow. 

Welcome to our family "Cara".